Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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