Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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