When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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