she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
