Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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