it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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