Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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