i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
