Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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