Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
