remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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