So drunk its hurt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
