Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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