You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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