my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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