he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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