it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Someone shattered a urinal.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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