After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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