I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
