Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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