Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think my mom watched the whole time
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
