He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
