Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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