fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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