I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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