Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
