you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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