there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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