Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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