Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
