I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
