speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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