I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
