Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i will never coherently bang her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
