We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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