The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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