Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
