i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
