Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
