I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
