Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
