It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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