Your tits are I can't wait for
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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