you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The Olympian is in my bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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