so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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