I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it glows. i had to have it.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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