I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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