Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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