Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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