He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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