I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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