Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
