don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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