I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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