I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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