I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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