He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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